What makes me REALLY crazy?

Recently someone posted an article in one of the FB groups I follow which caught my eye. (A link to it is provided at the end of the blog).

The title "I Spent My 20s Trying To Get Rid Of My Anxiety, Here’s The One Thing That Actually Worked" lured me in. 

At first I was a little dubious - I always am of these kinds of articles, I mean, it's perfectly written to get you clicking! But I immediately connected with the writer and the article.

The way she speaks about "stuff weighing her down", " feeling like a person who doesn't have her sh*t together because her home was a mess" , "feeling fresh and healthy when her apartment was cleaned and de-cluttered" and even that her "most relaxing part of her week is deep cleaning her room each Sunday" (oh I can so relate to that!) kept me interested. 

I could tell the writer was high sensitive. An empath. This woman is just like me.... I thought.

I hate mess too. I think my life is falling apart if theres too much mess. I hate clutter. Most of all; I hate how crazy, stuff and clutter make me feel. I wouldn't call it anxiety per se. More like an intense yet subtle, long term annoyance, like a dripping tap, a ticking clock, an itchy top. It makes me CRAZY.

On edge, irritable, uncomfortable and annoyed. Horrible to live with. Unable to concentrate on my life - unable to get on with what I need to do, and when you're trying to make your way as a self-employed lightworker, you really don't need anything holding you back!

I'm not just talking unwashed pots or unmade beds. I'm talking messy cupboards full of unused items, unworn clothes, clutter, trinkets and unwanted gifts, run-out pens and things you have to keep 'just in case' - like I need another spare bottle of eyelash glue!

And I realised I've never written about my experience, because well.... my crazy cleaning thing is just that - a bit crazy. But it's just not just cleaning - clearing and throwing and giving away. It's always been my dirty little secret for years - no pun intended!

And speaking with a few females in my life, it seems its not just me. Maybe you resonate with my intense hatred of "stuff" and clutter?  Maybe you feel anxious and annoyed but don't know why.  Maybe you feel trapped and overwhelmed when you visit a friends home who does like "stuff". Maybe you can't face throwing stuff away, scared to offend, seem ungrateful or fear you're going to let something go and then need it a week later - but you feel anxious, agitated or stressed when in certain environments?

Can "stuff" really make you anxious?

Well yes, certainly if you're sensitive. Sensitives or empaths (think you might be but don't know what I'm on about? Read this...) feel more than others, they pick up on subtle energies in their environment.  They have a finer tuned nervous system - hyper aware and sense subtleties in the environment, unseen or unfelt by other people. 

Everything is energy. It has been scientifically proven that everything (everything) is made up of energy. Atoms and subatomic particles make up our entire universe.

And everything you own contains it's own energetic vibration, it's own energy. 

That pile of magazines - energy. 
The old unworn clothes - energy. 
The unorganised mess that is your workspace - energy.

And all that extra old, stagnant energy is hanging around and clogging up YOUR energy (It's all energy baby!), YOUR environment, YOUR emotional well being and YOUR feelings, making you prone to feeling anxious, irritated and agitated in your own environment and not being sure why.

Your ego (the part of you which thrives on fear, worry and anxiety) feeds off this and something as simple as a bit of clutter becomes the silent enemy.

So try clearing out and organising - just take an hour out of your week.. even 30 mins  (speaking from experience you can throw away A LOT of stuff in 30 mins! ), clearing, creating space and letting go of all that no longer serves any purpose in your life. 

As elsa would say... Let IT GOOOOOO!  

The original Article can BE FOUND HERE.

Lets' be brave, not perfect

Why do our girls strive for perfection and our boys actively seek out challenges? What impact is this having on the economy and the world? 

Well, millions of women and young girls are sat at home, unfulfilled and in 'safe' jobs because of it - not fulfilling their potential and not lighting up the world in the way they should be. 

"We're raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave, says Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code. Saujani has taken up the charge to socialize young girls to take risks and learn to program — two skills they need to move society forward. To truly innovate, we cannot leave behind half of our population, she says. "I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection.""
(TED.com)

Reshma's TED talk (link below) made me cry real tears.

Why?

Because I connected with so much of what she said. It made me remember all the times I'd hit backspace and deleted my work before calling my teacher over to say I didn't understand the work.

I'd rather them be mad at me for not doing any work, rather than my teacher see I'd made a mistake and got it all wrong.

I connected with all the times I'd said to myself - I can't do it, there's something wrong with ME.

I connected with and remembered all the times I'd felt small, tiny in fact, when faced with a challenge.  I remembered how I'd hid away, backed off and stayed safe, just so I didn't fail.

I know the girls she's talking about, I have many in my yoga classes and sessions.

I cried because I connected with the girls she spoke about in the video and I think you will too. 

Click here to watch the video

The type who are so scared of getting it wrong, failing or being embarrassed that we avoid challenge at all costs.

But I wasn't taught to be this way. I never remember being told to 'be perfect' or 'don't do that - you're not brave...'

I don't remember ever being taught to be cautious.

I also cried because I recognised these things in my 4 year old daughter too, and that got me thinking...

"Are girls not only socialised to be this way - but what if they're born this way too?"

It breaks my heart when my little babe gives up on something or won't even attempt something because she's scared of getting it wrong or she finds it too challenging. 

She's done it since she was a baby - she sat for 10 months - watching and absorbing, before she even attempted to pull herself up and take baby steps. 

Only when she absolutely knows for sure she will be able to do it, does she even try it. Which is an awesome and cautious quality to have, but I fear as she gets older this caution may get worse.

I have never told her not to be brave. I never told her to be careful. I always had a sense that no matter what she did, she would be OK and I wanted her to be as confident as she could be. But no matter what I did, she has always and continues to be cautious, careful and thoughtful.

I worry maybe I passed this on during pregnancy. Did she get her perfection ways from me desperately trying to be the perfect breastfeeding mother - but failing miserably and feeling inadequate? 

Did she sense my disappointment with myself when I wasn't able to get back into my pre-pregnancy jeans after 4 weeks? 

Did she sense my eager and overbearing perfectionist streak, whilst she was growing inside of me?

The perfectionism which was forced upon me by society and other women?

When will we draw the line with perfectionism and know that it is unattainable for 99.999999999999% of the whole population?

I beg, suggest, propose and plead with you to stop measuring yourself to others, stop aiming for perfection, be happy with what you can do, what you are able to achieve, and most of all:

BE BRAVE! Feel the fear and do it anyway! 

Kathryn is a mum of one, Teen Yoga teacher and EFT practitioner, specialising in helping young women and teenagers overcome self-doubt, high sensitivity, low confidence and develop into their true potential. She lives and teaches in Sheffield, UK. You can find her on Instagram, Facebook or email her kathrynpearsoneft@gmail.com

www.kathrynpearson.co.uk