Fear of Failing

Fear of Failing, (or FoF as I'm going to call it from now on), is possibly the single biggest reason for not getting started, for putting off your biggest wishes, for never writing the big goals, for never daring to dream, for simply doing nothing.

FoF has been stopping people for lifetimes.

"I'm not doing that in case it doesn't work out...."

"I won't try my best in case it isn't good enough."

"I couldn't possibly do that..."

"I'm not setting myself up for disappointment, so I'm not going to 'dream', just in case it doesn't happen."

I hear these kinds of phrases all the time - for a long time they used to come out of my mouth - so trust me when I say I know how you feel. 

You don't want to think about the exciting, amazing, dreamiest stuff that you could achieve, because what if it doesn't happen? How bad will you feel then? What will X say about your biggest dream? Will they laugh? 

"I know: its better to be safe than sorry, lets just aim for somewhere in the middle, yeah, the middle, I'm ok with the middle. The middle is achievable, it's not too hard, it's just right. I know, lets just do what everyone else does and then we will be totally fine. I'm too scared to really go for it, because what if it doesn't pay off. Yeah, this is a good way to feel safe - great plan. Let's just aim for the middle, lets just do enough, lets just do enough to be ok. I'm not even going to think of that big amazing thing I really want out of life, because well, what if I put in ALL this effort and then when I get there I don't want it? Or its not as good as I hoped? Or it means something will have to change? Or what if..... I FAIL?! OMG....too scary, can't even go there, that feels awful. Yeah lets NOT dream. Lets just do the safe option."

Does this sound like anyone else's inner dialogue?


I've been thinking a lot about how I finally managed to control this inner dialogue and change. There's no fool proof, 100% guaranteed way of getting away from FoF, it's taken me, and I'm sure it will take you, a lot of trial and error, a lot of mistakes and a lot of reflection, but, you know what, if you can own your FoF, really own it and know it, you can master it.



Try this:

Awareness, acknowledgement and action.

- Be aware of your fears, especially around failure, be open about them

- Acknowledge your fears, maybe even write them down, talk about them with a supportive friend or family member - get their take on it.

- Then, take action regardless. "Feel the fear and do it anyway" - Susan Jeffers.
Feel the feeling of fear and push past it, see whats on the other side. If you never move past fear - how do you know whats on the other side?


Here's a few tips to help you with your FoF in addition to the A, A, A above.

1. Read the Susan Jeffers book; "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" - it's a short self help book, which focuses on positive affirmations. Which yeah, are great, they helped me so much, but what I found so inspiring is her take on fear. You've done scary things in the past and they haven't killed you - whats different with this one?

Really own that fear - then choose to feel it and do what ever it is you want to anyway.

2. Breathe. Whenever it all gets too much or you are scared about something new, take time to breathe and relax. Use a mediation app/video, a yoga class or pause and take 10 deep breaths feeling your tummy rise and fall (using your diaphragm to breathe). It is calming and relaxing for your Central Nervous System. There's always time for breathing.

3. Get focused. If you're scared of not achieving a goal, for example, then BREAK - IT - DOWN -

- What do you need to do to make sure you achieve that goal?

- Write a focused list of all the actions.

If one of those actions is something like "believe in myself", then do whatever it takes to build your self confidence. EFT is great way, as is yoga or mediation. Try connecting with your Solar Plexus Chakra, it is yellow and radiates personal power and confidence. It is located under the ribs at the top of the stomach area. Connect with it, visualise it, see it glowing yellow. Try doing this while in Warrior pose. ;) 

- How can you support yourself while doing all these 'actions'? (Self-care is a biggie for me) Don't just think you can plough ahead and reach the finish line with our looking after yourself. 

- Plan into your week, activities which will relax you, fill you up, make you happy. 

- Get a calendar and plan in these actions over time, making sure you schedule and distribute your time efficiently and evenly.

4. Goals take action. So get on and do it - feel the fear. What is the worst that could happen? Seriously? I choose to see each experience as a learning experience. If I want to do something, if I really put myself on the line and do something scary and it goes wrong or doesn't work out how I'd hoped, I simply reflect:

"What has this experience taught me?" "Were my expectations realistic?" "What can I learn for this?" 

"What will I do differently next time?" "Why didn't it work out? Was the 'goal' out of alignment? i.e. did I want it for the wrong reasons?"

4. Tap. Emotional Freedom Technique - I use EFT with my clients all the time when fears come up. A common fear is letting people down. So I recorded this tap-a-long video for you to use. Please check out my other videos introducing EFT/Tapping before you tap-a-long. Please get in touch if you'd like to know more about working with me via Skype.



5. STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK. Easier said than done, I know, but what other people think of you is none of your business. You will never know what someone thinks - so stop worrying.

What other people say about you however is. I understand peoples words can be hurtful, but when people say unkind, hurtful and judgemental things, it is mostly a reflection of themselves rather than you. 

Their unkind teasing? Usually jealousy. Their put downs?  A reflection they don't have much confidence themselves. Opposition or limiting what you are capable of? A sign they don't believe in themselves or are scared you might become 'better' than them.

Either way - on the way to your dreams you need a tribe of supportive people, not put-downers. Distance yourself from that. Be positive, be supportive, be kind. 


What do you do to overcome fear? What things have you tried? Could you share them? Please leave a comment. What are you most scared of failing at?

Kathryn Pearson is an EFT practitioner specialising in helping sensitive teens and young women combat stress, fear and worry. Her mission is to give the next generation the confidence and tools to break free from negative thinking and be able to follow their dreams, using EFT, a meridian energy therapy, often referred to as tapping, and other successful positive mindset practises and strategies. Aiming to empower and inspire the world over. Visit her website www.kathrynpearson.co.uk or contact info@kathrynpearson.co.uk

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Important vs Urgent

I know the things that are important to me; my family, my health, my friends, my business, my book, yoga, mediation, my diet, my weekly priorites, doing the things I love and enjoy like art, reading and writing. So you'd think that my time was filled with these activities.

But noooooo. I find myself procrastinating doing my 'jobs'. The things that are urgent or perceived to be urgent by me - replying to emails and being 'social' on various media outlets, cleaning my bathroom, tidying toys up, dusting, emptying the dyson, cleaning my hob or microwave, food shopping, commenting on blogs and listening to the newest podcast thats caught my eye. Trying to tackle the BIG stuff like learning new information (wether thats in relation to business or my interests) without implementing what I've already learned. It can be quite frustrating and annoying; my 'work days' can end and I haven't accomplished even half of what I wanted to, I feel exhausted and depleted. 

Being self-employed this simply isn't an option. I cannot waste my 'work-time' by focussing on stuff that just simply isn't important. Maybe you have limited time to do your 'stuff', maybe you're even a student with loads of 'stuff' going on and you need to get focussed? If so, read on...

I once read an amazing book 'The 8 habits of highly effective people' by Stephen Covey. It's one of the most popular and helpful self-help books I've ever come across. One of the 'habits' are "PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST".

Stephen Covey explains in his book that we can catagorise our daily/work tasks into 4 areas. 

Important / urgent- Crisises, deadlines, emergencies,
Important / not urgent  - relationships, health, business goals, self-care, enjoyable activities (which are productive)!

Non important / urgent -  Interruptions, emails, meetings, pre-planned commitments, cleaning

Non important / non urgent - trivial stuff, time wasting, gossiping, social medial, searching to web, cleaning, general procrastination!

To propel our lives forward he states we should spend our time doing/nurturing the important non-urgent stuff. 

But what seems to happen (for me and others of you out there) is the important urgent and the both aspects of the non important stuff take priority because we feel we have to do these things (limiting belifs and media influence/media role models etc) and of course sometimes the important urgent HAS to take prioroty.

I know I spend most of my time doing the non important urgent/non urgent stuff. This will never help me fulfil my dreams and live a 'happy fulfilled life' and my goals? Likely to never happen. 

We become so consumed with living a fast pace life, stretching our selves beyond our natural capabilities and capacity that we don't create time or make the important / non urgent stuff the priority.

The important / non urgent stuff becomes so far out of reach we don't think we can ever achieve it son we ignore it and neglect it. Also getting into the habit of spending our time doing non urgent non important stuff is the worst thing ... hello facebookers/YouTube addicts! :)

So I have (almost!) managed to crack this and I wanna share how. Firstly I used my sister in law's amazing planners (She's a shamaze textile artist who is a creative right brainer like me.) Go take a peek at her amazing textile art on Instagram, and email her if you'd like a copy of her planners.

Setting weekly priorities for me was something I learned whilst being mentored by Sally Canning. Sometimes I'd do them and sometimes I wouldn't. Sarah has devised a way which makes sure you get them done!

Weekly priorities "Put first things first."

Firstly set three weekly priorities, sometimes one of mine is self - care and this included meditating everyday, early nights etc, others are business related.

Once this is done break each task down into smaller ones and plot these smaller, manageable tasks into your week where you have free time. ONLY doing your weekly priorities is ESSENTIAL to making progress - especially if you're a progression addict like me! I have to be making progress to be satisfied.

Each time I find myself doing something, I ask my self - "Is this part of my weekly priorities?", "Is this Important?" 

If the answer is NO, it write the tasks onto a new post it and put it at the end of my weekly priorities. It will get done when my weekly priorities have been done. 

Accountability, Accountability, accountability!

I used to HATE this word, but now it is my most favourite. 

Me and a friend, who are in similar situations, are each others 'accountability partners'. This means each week we review our week and express what we've achieved and what we didn't manage to do etc. There's no nasty tut-tut's or telling offs, it is just a way of celebrating successes, tracking progress and pitfalls or difficulties, and if you have an amazing friend like  me - you get constructive and helpful advice from a different perspective which I wouldn't have gotten if it was just 'me'.

I find it so helpful to accountable for my goals. If I say I'm going to do something and never tell anyone, it's very easy for me to not to do it. No one knows I didn't do it. 

If I'm accountable for my goals (i.e. by telling my accountability partner) then I'm much more likely to do it!

So get organised, get prioritising and get asking yourself "Is this IMPORTANT?" 

Working out what is important, like really important, to you is possibly your first step. Take sometime today to reflect what is really important to you. 

Happiness, health, my goals, relationships, etc... then start thinking about how you spend your time. 

If its not doing the important/non urgent stuff then STOP! Rethink, re-plan and get prioritising.

Kathryn Pearson is an EFT practitioner specialising in helping sensitive teens and young women combat stress, fear and worry. Her mission is to give the next generation the confidence and tools to break free from negative thinking and be able to follow their dreams, using EFT, a meridian energy therapy, often referred to as tapping, and other successful positive mindset practices and strategies. Aiming to empower and inspire the world over. Visit her website www.kathrynpearson.co.uk or contact info@kathrynpearson.co.uk

Like this? Please share it! 

Visit my website www.kathrynpearson.co.uk

Like my Facebook page www.facebook.com/kathrynpearsoneft

Follow me on Instagram @kathryn_pearson_

Email me info@kathrynpearson.co.uk