Fear of Failing

Fear of Failing, (or FoF as I'm going to call it from now on), is possibly the single biggest reason for not getting started, for putting off your biggest wishes, for never writing the big goals, for never daring to dream, for simply doing nothing.

FoF has been stopping people for lifetimes.

"I'm not doing that in case it doesn't work out...."

"I won't try my best in case it isn't good enough."

"I couldn't possibly do that..."

"I'm not setting myself up for disappointment, so I'm not going to 'dream', just in case it doesn't happen."

I hear these kinds of phrases all the time - for a long time they used to come out of my mouth - so trust me when I say I know how you feel. 

You don't want to think about the exciting, amazing, dreamiest stuff that you could achieve, because what if it doesn't happen? How bad will you feel then? What will X say about your biggest dream? Will they laugh? 

"I know: its better to be safe than sorry, lets just aim for somewhere in the middle, yeah, the middle, I'm ok with the middle. The middle is achievable, it's not too hard, it's just right. I know, lets just do what everyone else does and then we will be totally fine. I'm too scared to really go for it, because what if it doesn't pay off. Yeah, this is a good way to feel safe - great plan. Let's just aim for the middle, lets just do enough, lets just do enough to be ok. I'm not even going to think of that big amazing thing I really want out of life, because well, what if I put in ALL this effort and then when I get there I don't want it? Or its not as good as I hoped? Or it means something will have to change? Or what if..... I FAIL?! OMG....too scary, can't even go there, that feels awful. Yeah lets NOT dream. Lets just do the safe option."

Does this sound like anyone else's inner dialogue?


I've been thinking a lot about how I finally managed to control this inner dialogue and change. There's no fool proof, 100% guaranteed way of getting away from FoF, it's taken me, and I'm sure it will take you, a lot of trial and error, a lot of mistakes and a lot of reflection, but, you know what, if you can own your FoF, really own it and know it, you can master it.



Try this:

Awareness, acknowledgement and action.

- Be aware of your fears, especially around failure, be open about them

- Acknowledge your fears, maybe even write them down, talk about them with a supportive friend or family member - get their take on it.

- Then, take action regardless. "Feel the fear and do it anyway" - Susan Jeffers.
Feel the feeling of fear and push past it, see whats on the other side. If you never move past fear - how do you know whats on the other side?


Here's a few tips to help you with your FoF in addition to the A, A, A above.

1. Read the Susan Jeffers book; "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" - it's a short self help book, which focuses on positive affirmations. Which yeah, are great, they helped me so much, but what I found so inspiring is her take on fear. You've done scary things in the past and they haven't killed you - whats different with this one?

Really own that fear - then choose to feel it and do what ever it is you want to anyway.

2. Breathe. Whenever it all gets too much or you are scared about something new, take time to breathe and relax. Use a mediation app/video, a yoga class or pause and take 10 deep breaths feeling your tummy rise and fall (using your diaphragm to breathe). It is calming and relaxing for your Central Nervous System. There's always time for breathing.

3. Get focused. If you're scared of not achieving a goal, for example, then BREAK - IT - DOWN -

- What do you need to do to make sure you achieve that goal?

- Write a focused list of all the actions.

If one of those actions is something like "believe in myself", then do whatever it takes to build your self confidence. EFT is great way, as is yoga or mediation. Try connecting with your Solar Plexus Chakra, it is yellow and radiates personal power and confidence. It is located under the ribs at the top of the stomach area. Connect with it, visualise it, see it glowing yellow. Try doing this while in Warrior pose. ;) 

- How can you support yourself while doing all these 'actions'? (Self-care is a biggie for me) Don't just think you can plough ahead and reach the finish line with our looking after yourself. 

- Plan into your week, activities which will relax you, fill you up, make you happy. 

- Get a calendar and plan in these actions over time, making sure you schedule and distribute your time efficiently and evenly.

4. Goals take action. So get on and do it - feel the fear. What is the worst that could happen? Seriously? I choose to see each experience as a learning experience. If I want to do something, if I really put myself on the line and do something scary and it goes wrong or doesn't work out how I'd hoped, I simply reflect:

"What has this experience taught me?" "Were my expectations realistic?" "What can I learn for this?" 

"What will I do differently next time?" "Why didn't it work out? Was the 'goal' out of alignment? i.e. did I want it for the wrong reasons?"

4. Tap. Emotional Freedom Technique - I use EFT with my clients all the time when fears come up. A common fear is letting people down. So I recorded this tap-a-long video for you to use. Please check out my other videos introducing EFT/Tapping before you tap-a-long. Please get in touch if you'd like to know more about working with me via Skype.



5. STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK. Easier said than done, I know, but what other people think of you is none of your business. You will never know what someone thinks - so stop worrying.

What other people say about you however is. I understand peoples words can be hurtful, but when people say unkind, hurtful and judgemental things, it is mostly a reflection of themselves rather than you. 

Their unkind teasing? Usually jealousy. Their put downs?  A reflection they don't have much confidence themselves. Opposition or limiting what you are capable of? A sign they don't believe in themselves or are scared you might become 'better' than them.

Either way - on the way to your dreams you need a tribe of supportive people, not put-downers. Distance yourself from that. Be positive, be supportive, be kind. 


What do you do to overcome fear? What things have you tried? Could you share them? Please leave a comment. What are you most scared of failing at?

Kathryn Pearson is an EFT practitioner specialising in helping sensitive teens and young women combat stress, fear and worry. Her mission is to give the next generation the confidence and tools to break free from negative thinking and be able to follow their dreams, using EFT, a meridian energy therapy, often referred to as tapping, and other successful positive mindset practises and strategies. Aiming to empower and inspire the world over. Visit her website www.kathrynpearson.co.uk or contact info@kathrynpearson.co.uk

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Affirmations - Positive thinking - Positive Statements ....

Whatever you want to call them! Here's my story with them....

So during my early 20s I was in a bit of a bad place. I was just starting a career I didn't really like, that made me feel inadequate and I had collegues who prayed on that. I was living practically alone - away from family and friends and I had just lived through two disastrous relationships, which both chipped away at my integrity, confidence and self-worth.

I had little idea of who I was, what I wanted or loved or should be doing. I just had no idea. I was following everyone else's ideals and standards. I was trying to be what I thought other people would consider "successful". Im ashamed to say I even chose my career because I'd seen on facebook a number of "successful" people from school had started being teachers. (Yep, I chose my career based on other people!!) I was so desperate to be "successful" and fit in. I had no idea what I wanted. 

I was basically really lost and my inner voice, my intuition was screaming and shouting and jumping up and down! I knew it was all wrong. 

I somehow stumbled accross Susan Jeffers book "Feel the fear and do it anyway" I immediately clicked "Buy now".

It was one of those 'I'm meant to have this book and this is exactly what I need'kind of moments. It's probably the most defining moment of my adult life!! I owe so much to finding that book. 

So it came and I devoured it. It introduced me to affirmations. Positive thinking and a higher / lower self way of thinking. It changed me and my mindset. 

• I used to constantly be the victim. Everything happened to me. 
• I saw the bad or negative in everything.
• I never felt good enough.
• I though constantly about what others thought of me and would try extra hard to people please. 
• I had a negative, nagging inner critic who NEVER SHUT UP! 

I'm so thankful to say that all stopped. Because of affirmations.  Because of that book.  By all means it alone didn't get me to where I am now, but it was a start. It certainly didn't happen over night either. It was a long hard slog, constantly battling against my 'negative' mindset; but after a few weeks, things definitely got easier. 

So when I bang on about affirmations and a positive mindset I'm being totally honest and speaking from experience and the heart. I've never thought of sharing this experience before; but now seems the right time. :)

A perfect example of how affirmations helped me; I used to always be ill. I let illness run my life. I would hold back from doing things, miss out on events and get proper anxious if I was too busy; because for me, bring busy made me ill. Tiredness, sorethoats, colds, headaches. All pretty minor stuff but I was always ill, always negative and always missing out on life because of it too.

So whenever my inner critic would pipe up and tell me I was getting ill, I'd replace my thoughts with an affirmation:

"I'm strong and healthy and I fight off illness and infection."

And I can honesty say I've not been "ill" since. There's still days where I feel a bit under the weather, yes, and Ive probably replaced being ill with being tired (my fiends would argue! lol) but I no longer put life on hold, or cancel meetings with friends or limit my life in fear of getting ill!

They're powerful. Affirmations train your subconscious. (Susan's book has chapters on the logic and science behind it all). Your subconscious or your thoughts can rule your life. But the best thing is.... 

YOU can control your thoughts. You can train your subconscious or inner critic to think differently.  

I have a million more examples. .. I attribute meeting my partner to affirmations too!  

Some of my faves that I borrowed from the book or made up myself. ..

"I am powerful and loving and I have nothing to fear" 
"I am moving through my day with ease and clairty" 
"I am good at everything I do" 
"I am a good friend and people enjoy my company" 

Basically any bad or negative thought I had about myself I would use an affirmation to reverse it. I either used one of the affirmations from the book or I made my own up to suit my language. So it would be the total opposite of what I was thinking. Even if I didn't belive it at the time I kept with it - and you know what... things changed. So much so that I eventually believed it and would stop using it! 

All it takes is awareness and a bit of "thought training" and you can change your life. 

So I challenge you to listen and write down what YOUR inner critic says about you. What negative thought most rules your life? 

Reverse it! Put a totally positive spin on it. If its something like:

"Im no good at maths and Im going to fail",

reverse it to an "I AM"; so it may go something like:

"I AM a good mathematician and success is obvious" or "I AM successful and talented at Maths".

Even if you don't believe it right now, just keep with it. Every time the negative thought pops into your mind, reverse it, quieten it, silence it!

Let me know how you get on, and please get in touch if you have questions or a topic you'd like covering. This blog is A) For me to exercise my writing and helping people muscle (which I didn't know I loved so much!) and B) For you!

With Love

Kathy x