Valentines Self-Love - How being kinder to yourself can increase confidence.

So I had the idea of using Valentines day (or any day for that matter) to carve out some time for some self love instead

Sound too cringefull?! It doesn't have to be! I've gathered 3 simple top tips together below to help you be kinder to yourself.

Self love can be simple, powerful and effective for making us more confident and comfortable in our own skin. A little self-confidence goes a long way in helping us cope with stress - read on for 3 simple tips which you can start using right now!

1. Give your inner voice a makeover.

Listen to you inner voice. What words or dialogue do you repeat? 

What we focus on we become. What we think about we attract - it's basic Law Of Attraction. 

A friend of mine used to repeat to hefself 'annoying', as in 'she was annoying'. Sure enough people thought she was annoying and treated her so. This left her feeling isolated, disliked, low in confidence and ... you guessed it - annoying.

Disempowering inner language can have a huge impact on life experiences,  how we treat ourselves and how others treat us. Here are some examples of how you can change your inner voice to be more empowered.

Disempowering: "No one likes me."
Empowering: "I choose to love myself and nurture my inner confidence, the right person will appear at the right time."

Disempowering: "I'm going to fail."
Empowering: "I choose to meet my challenges with determination and courage."

Disempowering: "I have so much to do. I'm never going to get it all done"
Empowering: "I choose to use my time wisely, I give each of my commitments the time and focus they need. I have nothing to fear"

2. Re- vamp your Self Talk. 
How do you talk about yourself to others and to yourself? Is your vocabulary full of 'I can't, I'm rubbish, I won't, I'll never, I'm not, 
I haven't. ... etc?

Limiting self talk is literally putting limitations on what you can and can't do in life.  You're stopping yourself before you even begin.

The most powerful phrase you can use is: 'I AM...' positive self talk all starts with "I am". Every time a self-sabotaging thought about yourself pops into your head, silence it with a positive I AM statement.

For example:

 
Self-hate: I'm unlovable / I'm not pretty
Self-love: I am loved and loving - I am all that I need to be. I am safe.

Self-hate: I'm going to fail - I'm so stupid
Self-love: I am powerful beyond measure and I have nothing to fear.

Self-hate: I'm so rubbish at maths
Self-love: I am a confident maths student, I am learning everyday.

3. Recall what's already in you.

Whenever you're feeling really low about yourself or you're struggling with a  situation, think of a time when you did something amazing - a time when you surprised yourself or you achieved something outstanding.

Journal it out and free write what it was like, what qualities you showed, what did it feel like to be successful? Gather a list of qualities that you already are - and remember how powerful you already have been.

AND Finally.... use the word YET. .. If you find yourself talking bad of yourself, try these:

I haven't got a boyfriend. .. yet.
No one loves me... yet.
I can't do.... XYZ... YET.

Give yourself the option and the possibility to achieve whatever you want to achieve by using YET. Its powerful!

Wishing you a loving Valentines - a self - loving valentines ;)

I'm defo going to be cracking open the Epsom salts, incense and candles - I may even use last weeks roses and use the petals in my bath! 

P.S.  Have you downloaded my FREE de-stress meditation recording? It's a free audio file which you can download straight to your phone/device and listen whenever you like. The feedback so far has been amazing - helping relax and sent so many people to sleep!!! 

If you're stressed or struggling to sleep; check it out here >> http://bit.ly/1JHyPnA

Fear of Failing

Fear of Failing, (or FoF as I'm going to call it from now on), is possibly the single biggest reason for not getting started, for putting off your biggest wishes, for never writing the big goals, for never daring to dream, for simply doing nothing.

FoF has been stopping people for lifetimes.

"I'm not doing that in case it doesn't work out...."

"I won't try my best in case it isn't good enough."

"I couldn't possibly do that..."

"I'm not setting myself up for disappointment, so I'm not going to 'dream', just in case it doesn't happen."

I hear these kinds of phrases all the time - for a long time they used to come out of my mouth - so trust me when I say I know how you feel. 

You don't want to think about the exciting, amazing, dreamiest stuff that you could achieve, because what if it doesn't happen? How bad will you feel then? What will X say about your biggest dream? Will they laugh? 

"I know: its better to be safe than sorry, lets just aim for somewhere in the middle, yeah, the middle, I'm ok with the middle. The middle is achievable, it's not too hard, it's just right. I know, lets just do what everyone else does and then we will be totally fine. I'm too scared to really go for it, because what if it doesn't pay off. Yeah, this is a good way to feel safe - great plan. Let's just aim for the middle, lets just do enough, lets just do enough to be ok. I'm not even going to think of that big amazing thing I really want out of life, because well, what if I put in ALL this effort and then when I get there I don't want it? Or its not as good as I hoped? Or it means something will have to change? Or what if..... I FAIL?! OMG....too scary, can't even go there, that feels awful. Yeah lets NOT dream. Lets just do the safe option."

Does this sound like anyone else's inner dialogue?


I've been thinking a lot about how I finally managed to control this inner dialogue and change. There's no fool proof, 100% guaranteed way of getting away from FoF, it's taken me, and I'm sure it will take you, a lot of trial and error, a lot of mistakes and a lot of reflection, but, you know what, if you can own your FoF, really own it and know it, you can master it.



Try this:

Awareness, acknowledgement and action.

- Be aware of your fears, especially around failure, be open about them

- Acknowledge your fears, maybe even write them down, talk about them with a supportive friend or family member - get their take on it.

- Then, take action regardless. "Feel the fear and do it anyway" - Susan Jeffers.
Feel the feeling of fear and push past it, see whats on the other side. If you never move past fear - how do you know whats on the other side?


Here's a few tips to help you with your FoF in addition to the A, A, A above.

1. Read the Susan Jeffers book; "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" - it's a short self help book, which focuses on positive affirmations. Which yeah, are great, they helped me so much, but what I found so inspiring is her take on fear. You've done scary things in the past and they haven't killed you - whats different with this one?

Really own that fear - then choose to feel it and do what ever it is you want to anyway.

2. Breathe. Whenever it all gets too much or you are scared about something new, take time to breathe and relax. Use a mediation app/video, a yoga class or pause and take 10 deep breaths feeling your tummy rise and fall (using your diaphragm to breathe). It is calming and relaxing for your Central Nervous System. There's always time for breathing.

3. Get focused. If you're scared of not achieving a goal, for example, then BREAK - IT - DOWN -

- What do you need to do to make sure you achieve that goal?

- Write a focused list of all the actions.

If one of those actions is something like "believe in myself", then do whatever it takes to build your self confidence. EFT is great way, as is yoga or mediation. Try connecting with your Solar Plexus Chakra, it is yellow and radiates personal power and confidence. It is located under the ribs at the top of the stomach area. Connect with it, visualise it, see it glowing yellow. Try doing this while in Warrior pose. ;) 

- How can you support yourself while doing all these 'actions'? (Self-care is a biggie for me) Don't just think you can plough ahead and reach the finish line with our looking after yourself. 

- Plan into your week, activities which will relax you, fill you up, make you happy. 

- Get a calendar and plan in these actions over time, making sure you schedule and distribute your time efficiently and evenly.

4. Goals take action. So get on and do it - feel the fear. What is the worst that could happen? Seriously? I choose to see each experience as a learning experience. If I want to do something, if I really put myself on the line and do something scary and it goes wrong or doesn't work out how I'd hoped, I simply reflect:

"What has this experience taught me?" "Were my expectations realistic?" "What can I learn for this?" 

"What will I do differently next time?" "Why didn't it work out? Was the 'goal' out of alignment? i.e. did I want it for the wrong reasons?"

4. Tap. Emotional Freedom Technique - I use EFT with my clients all the time when fears come up. A common fear is letting people down. So I recorded this tap-a-long video for you to use. Please check out my other videos introducing EFT/Tapping before you tap-a-long. Please get in touch if you'd like to know more about working with me via Skype.



5. STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK. Easier said than done, I know, but what other people think of you is none of your business. You will never know what someone thinks - so stop worrying.

What other people say about you however is. I understand peoples words can be hurtful, but when people say unkind, hurtful and judgemental things, it is mostly a reflection of themselves rather than you. 

Their unkind teasing? Usually jealousy. Their put downs?  A reflection they don't have much confidence themselves. Opposition or limiting what you are capable of? A sign they don't believe in themselves or are scared you might become 'better' than them.

Either way - on the way to your dreams you need a tribe of supportive people, not put-downers. Distance yourself from that. Be positive, be supportive, be kind. 


What do you do to overcome fear? What things have you tried? Could you share them? Please leave a comment. What are you most scared of failing at?

Kathryn Pearson is an EFT practitioner specialising in helping sensitive teens and young women combat stress, fear and worry. Her mission is to give the next generation the confidence and tools to break free from negative thinking and be able to follow their dreams, using EFT, a meridian energy therapy, often referred to as tapping, and other successful positive mindset practises and strategies. Aiming to empower and inspire the world over. Visit her website www.kathrynpearson.co.uk or contact info@kathrynpearson.co.uk

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September Special Offer

• Have you tried EFT yourself but aren't getting any real results?

• Do you have emotional blocks which are holding you back from doing what you know you should be doing?

• Maybe you have fears around being visible, low confidence or money blocks which are stopping you from moving forward in your business or life?

• Or are you sick of recurring and replaying stuff in your life and you want it to stop so you can break free?

Frustrated, low in self confidence and stuck - I get it.

There is a huge shift going on right now, women all over the world are making waves in the business world, opening up to their spirituality and following their dreams.

But there are also many women who are watching from the sidelines. Afraid, stuck and feeling unworthy. 

That makes me feel really sad and I want to help.

So what's my solution?

The best way I know how to handle feeling stuck is to get tapping.

But it’s so hard to treat yourself with EFT if you’re not completely sure what your blocks are, it’s also hard to know what to say, if you’re doing it right, what to do with the thoughts and memories which pop into your head while your tapping 

Thats the job of a trained EFT practitioner. This is where I come in.

I’m excited to be offering 3 x 1 hour sessions to help you get really clear on what your current blocks are, help you shift these and help you overcome whatever is stopping you. The three sessions are at a special reduced price of £147 saving you over £50.

The 3 sessions will help shift and clear emotional energy blockages, uncover and reveal what standing in your way, raise your confidence and leave you fresh and reinvigorated - raring to go. 

I’ve never been in a position where I’m able to offer such sessions, so I’m so excited to help get you clear in September & October

I have just left my real life full time job, which supported me for 7 years, but left me exhausted, miserable and frustrated.

This is something I NEVER thought I was possible for ME. I never dreamed I could do this, put myself out there or even follow my dreams. But here I am, thanks to EFT. 

My mentor and EFT trainer used EFT with me to remove and shift MY limiting blocks and negative thinking just over two years ago. I wouldn’t have gotten those results without an experienced practitioner ‘treating’ me and leading the way.

Now as a trained and experienced EFT practitioner myself I’d like to offer out some special sessions to help YOU do the same. 

Sessions can be booked in person or Via Skype, throughout the month of September and October. I have midweek morning and afternoon appointments, with some limited evening slots. I also will aim to offer email support in between your three sessions, which can be weekly or even daily.

But these are only available for the next 4-6 weeks (Mid September - mid October) due to my working commitments. 

It’s also such an amazing time to get rid of this stuff thats been holding you back! The planets and cosmos are conspiring to help us let go of our past and all that no longer serves us - the time is now - I can feel it!

But I’m not worth it, I can’t afford it and does it really work anyway?

Sure, I hear you, I was there too. Firstly this is such an amazing time to invest in yourself -  the universe is calling you to! My special might not be repeated ever again - it offers a huge saving and there is no one better to invest in than yourself. 

EFT - yes it really does work. Don’t take my word for it…

“I’d known about EFT for ages and was a bit skeptical for a while and I’d watched Nick Ortner on YouTube and tried to tap along but hadn’t really ‘got it’.

I had the sessions by Skype and I was a bit worried that it was going to be less effective. But it was SO powerful. Let’s just say I spend a lot of the sessions crying!

It really is emotional freedom - by a couple of days after a session I always feel lighter, brighter, more energetic and have recently started taking action around things I’d been procrastinating over for AGES. 

Kathy’s style is really kind and gentle and she’s amazing in that she comes up with just the questions that you need to let things out and heal. I’m so grateful for how she’s helped me get rid of stuff that’s been hanging around for YEARS. I feel like a different person. 

I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend Kathy, if you’ve been considering working with a practitioner just GO FOR IT!” Claire Meredith, Speaker, writer and coach, living in Italy. www.clairemeredith.com

BOOK HERE 

Visit my website www.kathrynpearson.co.uk/SeptemberSpecial to find all the payment and booking information.