I will not ever do that again...

This time last year life was pretty exciting. I had decided I was going to quit my job to follow my dreams of helping people.

I knew I had more to give and I knew my heart wasn't in my current role as a School Teacher.

I'd discovered EFT - this amazing energetic therapy and it was transforming my life and the lives of my (few) clients.

I started out in January trying to help women with EFT and their struggle with weight and food.

It seemed logical.

Many 'people' had told me this was a lucrative and potentially successful area of business which would help me transition out of my job.

It seemed to use my skills and talents and even to some extent, my passions.

But it didn't feel quite right.

It didn't feel in alignment with my core desires or feelings. It felt a bit ikky.

Inside I was in turmoil. As the weeks passed and I got ZERO clients, I became more and more desperate to course correct and change what I was doing. My blogs were awful. I wasn't writing from the heart. I felt foolish and stupid.

I knew nothing about blogging, nothing about leadpages or growing my list, nothing about vlogs, Facebook ads, starting a YouTube channel, had little experince of working intuitively with EFT, I didn't listen to my intuition very often, I pushed and pushed myself, I didn't really meditate, I lived mostly out of my ego, I didn't do art or wasn't creative as often as I should be, I didn't take time for myself,  I didn't do yoga enough, I didn't breathe properly.

Don't get me wrong... I was learning and making huge steps in January 2015 (and previously in 2014), but I was in a very different place to now.

Thankfully in January 2015 I did something profoundly mind blowing for me. I took a whole 3 evenings and a full weekend away from my family and did a meditation/breathing course with the Art of Living. It was hard pushing through the "I can't leave my family/I feel so guilty/I can't afford it/I'm not good enough" fears!

However: (and I don't say this lightly)

It. Changed. My. Life.

Literally layers of my ego were shed .. by literally I mean I actually saw them evaporate away, leaving my body, disappearing up into the light.

I gained a clear insight into my desires and roots of my frustrations. 

I heard my inner voice loud and clear.

Be authentic

Be adventurous

Help the girls

Shine your light

Use your talents

We are all one

Love. Love yourself. Love others. Love.

It changed me on an energetic level. Life was never the same after that course. I still bang in a out it today because it was profoundly moving for me.

And then in March 2015 I wrote this blog http://eepurl.com/bgPaMz

It was one of the most scary things ever, but reading it back makes me cry with joy.

I told to my 'followers' (aka the world!) that I was changing course and focusing on teenagers. I'd spent the last 7 years with teenagers and I knew how much stress ruled their lives. I knew deep down my mission in life was to help them - teach them exactly what I'd learnt. 

I felt free, liberated, in tune and in the flow. Perfectly in alignment with what I was put here to do.

So March it all changed.  But I had NO idea how it was going to work. 

I kept getting all entangled in plans and more plans. What was I going to do? I had no idea.

But I was blessed with this inner faith and knowing that it was all going to be OK.

All because of my dedicated spiritual practice. 

Daily meditation was at the root of this. I started off doing my Kriya (breathing practice) which I learnt during the Art of Living course for 40 days following my course. But it was full on, fitting it into my busy working/home life was a struggle. I gave gratitude everyday, filling every page of my gratitude journal of 2015. Up until about November I did it religiously every night.  Every night!

Part way through the year the angels called me too! Me and a few of my hardcore tribe soul friends came across some amazing Doreen Virtue angel meditations and I listened to them everyday. I let go. I trusted and I enjoyed every moment of each day.  I felt supported and loved in a very new way. 

Now mid July I still had no clue how I was going to fulfil my dreams of helping teens. EFT seemed the best option at the time and I poured my heart into gaining clients and building my list, Facebook ads and blog writing.

I sent out a very scary blog article to a Blogger site and it was accepted! My very scary and personal  'story' was shared with the world! Find the link to it here: http://eepurl.com/bsBkiH

In August, after finishing Rebbecca Campbell's book, Light is the new black,  I felt confident enough to come out of my spiritual closet and I shared that in this blog - http://eepurl.com/bxg7Ln

I discovered I'm an empath, a highly sensitive person and even deeper than that, an intuitive highly sensitive.

For years I've thought something was wrong with me but it turns out I'm sensitive! Now if getting to know yourself on that kind of level isn't an achievement I don't know what is!

Each time I connected to my inner voice (my soul whispers or my 'intuition') I kept getting the same response:

"Be patient, all is well,  it's coming, we're working it all out for you, keep doing what you're doing, be patient, trust, allow, let go of the outcome"

I'm being serious - EVERY TIME! The same response.

So even in my desperation to know what the outcome was going to be, the only answers I ever got were ones of "just chill Kathy,  it's all fine." 

So I did.

I can't imagine what a state I would have got myself in, or what I would have done out of desperation had I not listened to those whispers. It seemed bonkers to everyone else - but I just kept my cool, chilled and trusted.

One morning in late August I came across a link to Charlotta Martinus' Teen yoga programme.

Ta-dah! Pivotal life moment alert.

I know wholeheartedly this wouldn't have come my way if I hadn't had created the space for it. If I hadn't trusted and let go of the outcome.

So the end of November comes. I'd had a stockpile of clients, written lots more of my book, completed my Teen Yoga training, marketed and carried out some Teen Yoga sessions, been briefly involved with Each Amazing Breath, been in meetings with local colleges and schools about Teen Yoga sessions and even written my most scariest and successful blog/article - which you can find here www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-or-highly-sensitive/ 


My head was spinning and I needed a break.

But the thing is I 'took a break' from everything. My whole spiritual practise broke down. I felt like I was the arm of a record player skipping over and over a record. Stuck. Replaying the same old crackly tune.

Which made the end of 2015 really, really hard. Hard to be positive. Hard to celebrate. Hard to recognise all the achievements of possibly my most exciting, inspiring and transformative year ever. I felt as though I was stuck in thick sludge and there was nothing or no one that could save me.

Writing this has been so cathartic for me.

I wasn't even sure I was going to publish this, I mean, who needs to hear THIS?!

But then something from my Time hop made me sit up and take notice. This time last year (and every year for the past 7) I was sitting at my desk MARKING A Level coursework - I hated it. I remembered very strongly how much I hated it. It was like a smack in the face - sit up and realise how far you've come! Sit up and acknowledge all that you've done, achieved and accomplished.  Sit up and bloody realise how amazing you are!!

I remember promising myself "I will not ever do this ever again - ever!"

And thats coming true.

I pushed through my ego fear of caring whether people want/need to hear this. My year was so transformational because I listened to my inner voice and wrote what it guided me to. And that helped people. It inspired people and it allowed me to feel in the flow. 

It doesn't matter if Im the only person to ever read this. It will go where it needs to go. I'm not attached to the outcome and 2015 taught me that.

My 2016 started with lots of meditation, gratitude and connecting with my soul whispers and I can safely say it will end that way too.

Thank you 2015. You were amazing. And I mean amazing. So much more has happened and unravelled and I'm so in love with my journey. I'm so in love with the soul who I am. I'm forever grateful.

www.kathrynpearson.co.uk

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